This week, I thought that I’d share the first part of my story. But rather than having you read all of the details, I am going to share a video with you that I made my freshman year of college, and then focus on one particular part of the video.
I was in a Technology for Teachers class (when I was still a teaching major), and we were assigned to tell a story through a video. After trying to come up with a funny or clever story, someone said “Why don’t you just tell your adoption story?”, so that is what I did.
So that is a short version of my story. It doesn’t include all of the details that I will write about on this blog, but it is a brief overview of where I came from, and where I am now.
It seems like the perfect adoption story with a happy ending. But there are facts in this video-in my story- that have caused so many trials and hardships throughout my life.
“On December 24, 1993, a baby was found alone on a street bench in Hefei, China”.
There are two parts of that sentence that caused so much anger, confusion, and hatred in my life.
“December 24” is one part that had always stirred up anger in my heart. “Why would someone just leave a baby on a bench, and on Christmas Eve? Why would they do that?” These are some of the questions I had for my birthparents. I’m honestly not sure why this made me so angry and confused (and still does at times) . But the questions just circulate about why my parents would just leave me like that, and on a holiday? Right before Christmas? Did they want to get rid of me that badly?
“Found alone”. I was found alone on a bench. I was abandoned by my birthparents, the people that were supposed to love me; by the people who were supposed to want me. What did I do wrong? Was I a mistake? Is there a reason that they didn’t love me? They couldn’t have left a note with me? Some sort of sign so that I knew that there may have been a little bit of love for me in their hearts?
These two facts raised so many questions, so much confusion, so much hatred, so much doubt. Not only was I angry at my birthparents, but I slowly became angry at God, and it took me a long time to turn all of these thoughts and feelings around.
But I don’t want to get ahead of myself. There are so many parts to my story. So many people, and so many events that have happened that completely turned my life around.
I want you to know that no matter how bad it seems, and no matter what situations you may be facing, there is hope. There is a God who wants to shower you in comfort, grace, and love.
It may take a long time for you to accept it. Trust me, it took me nearly 5 years to believe it, and accept it. But no matter what your situation is, or what you may be telling yourself, please remember that you are not alone, and that there is hope.
You may feel alone, but you are not. You may feel abandoned, but you are not.
Isaiah 41:10 says: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”.